Perfect

I have a thing for quotes. I search through them based on what I am going through in hopes of getting answer. I believe that when lost for your own words you can find them in others. They have the ability to describe how we feel about the world and what we stand for.

I found a quote that I absolutely adore and can perfectly relate to my world view today while searching "love". I feel a lot of love today, but it is encompassed with mixed emotions. The past, present, and future of love in all aspects of my life has been what I'd call a roller coaster and its so tough to describe. I have a tendency to fall deeply in love with concepts, theories, and nature. I fall even deeper with men (maybe its because the art of romance is something I have yet to master). I love my friends and family with great passion. I love people more than anything. My love keeps me going.

<3
Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living.

adapted -Bertrand Russell

Downtime?!

I have always had an issue with down time. I feel like I am an unproductive lazy ass who should be out there saving the world, scrubbing my little apartment (earwig infested at the moment... nastiest things on the planet), reading tons of books that pertain to my major and minor, or exercising. But here I am planted on my dark blue couch from Cape Cod. I would like to attempt to justify this: I could say that I volunteer at Girls Inc. a few times a week and I mentor for Ottawa county once a week. I could use my new position as a sexual assault advocate at the YWCA and the possibility that I will be called in to do crisis counseling at any given moment. I could use the fact that my body aches and my mind is tired from Fibromyalgia. OR that I went out today and got sushi and ice cream (yes, that takes work!). I could say all of those things! Its the easiest thing in the world to make excuses.
Then I have to ask "What have I really done for myself and how much time have I spent with just me over the years?" Sometimes sitting on the couch and endulging in creamsicles and crackers with cheddar cheese spread is the medicine that we need to self evaluate and say "What is it that makes me feel uncomfortable with the little time that I have off throughout the year and why don't I feel like I deserve to be this way every now and then?" As a society we are so caught up in what we should be doing at this moment or that moment and how we'd be a much better person if we were to be outside pulling the weeds and training for a 10 K marathon. I find myself comparing my lifestyle to others all the time and wishing that I wasn't someone who needs the down time that I feel so guilty for having. I have learned that it is ok to need different things to function. I could use all of the excuses I made above for why I am lounging on my couch and not running on the elipitical, but I will just throw it out there that I NEED THIS TO FUNCTION! This is part of who I am. Its not always necessary to be a power house / human machine. I am not advocating constant laziness. I am advocating the fact that it is ok to take things slowly once and awhile and that doesn't make us less than perfect, it makes us human.

(The photo is of my cat, Suki ... lets just say she makes it tough to get work done!)

Why The Lotus?

My love for the lotus began in high school. To paint a picture of my background, I grew up in a 99% white, christian community where the students drove nicer cars than the teachers. I, for one, cannot relate to the car thing as I drove a poop brown 94 Aero Star Mini van that I named Shitty Shitty Bang Bang. The wealth, whiteness, and conservatism in my small town had consumed me up until 11th grade when I became friends with a unique, outspoken girl in my biology class. One day, she invited me over to study at her house and this is when I met a family of (hang onto your seats!) ... LIBERALS... GASP! This family was heavily into meditation, photography, vegetarianism, and anthropology. The parents were self-proclaimed hippies that didn't believe in Jesus (scary, right?!). I was so curious and intrigued by this lifestyle that I began to make excuses to spend time at their home which was out in the country on a serene pond on 2 acres of secluded land. Over the course of the year I learned about different religions, cultures, and political ideals. Over the course of the year I learned about the lotus.

The lotus is a beautiful flower that carries deep symbolic meaning throughout many different cultures and religions. It is viewed as a symbol of rebirth, creation, and awakening. The lotus starts out in the dark, yucky muck. Through time and nourishment it tirelessly pushes itself out of the muck and through the weeds of the pond. Eventually, the thing that started out in the depths of the pond slowly reaches the surface and blossoms into a beautiful flower. The flower remains beautiful, but as all things in life, eventually withers and goes back into the depths of the murky water to start its journey all over again.

This flower relates to the life journey. We all inevitably find ourselves in incredibly dark places at times and feel as though we will never get out alive. Through some sort of miracle we begin to see the light which causes us to start to push through the muck. As we push we grow stronger and we learn skills that will aid us in making it to the surface. Upon reaching the surface we blossom into a beautiful, strong person. We become the lotus who has prospered from the darkness and into the light. We experience rebirth. Amazing, right?

I, for one, have been in the muck numerous times in my life. The ways of the lotus spoke to me as soon as I heard about its meaning because of what I went through growing up. I am not saying that this is what turned me into the flaming, questioning, feminist liberal that I am today, but it paved the way and has acted as a reminder of my strength and ability to prosper through tough times with the knowlegdge that I will learn and grow. I have two lotus tattoos to remind me of the above. I even got the LG Lotus phone, but I promise it was a total coincidence... or maybe not! ;)

I am curious to know what symbols have helped others get through rough times and question life as they know it. I am always looking for things with meaning.